Feelings...

So... Travis hates me again. This works out more than perfectly because I wanted him out of my life anyway. He opened the door and did all the work for me. Except, now he is telling Dorrian that I've been trying to be friends with him again. This is making Dorrian upset and, I think, jealous and is causing him to pull away from talking to me. I don't want any of that. Unfortunately, I didn't crack what was going on until today. It's been a couple weeks now that Dorrian hasn't talked to me. So now that I have this new revelation, I want to hunt Travis down and tape his mouth closed with heavy duty duct tape. He lives in Iowa so this can't really happen but I want it to. The amount of time and effort he puts into things is astounding. He is sitting here telling Dorrian that he needs to drop me because I'm some lying bad person. After all that I have done for Travis. He's going to have the guts to do this? Uh. No. Not happening. I'm setting things straight with Dorrian. If he believes me then he does, and if not, then he never trusted me anyway and it never would've worked between us. This is why I decided to title this post as feelings. I'm venting. This is where things like this can be posted. I feel angry at Travis for doing this to me. I am upset and sad that Dorrian would think I would do the things that Travis says I'm doing. He is completely wrong in the matter. I don't understand what drives people to want to poison someone else's mind to get ahead and be friends with them. Why would you want a friendship set up on lies? The effort it takes to maintain that for the rest of your friendship with that person would be exhausting. Chelsey was the exact same way. She would feed people bad things about other people to become closer to them and seem more loyal to them. Then she'd get caught and the friend they thought she was would be destroyed and she'd be right back to where she was, alone. How do I find friends like this? Or does this happen to everyone? I just want to have genuine friends that are good to me and don't try to stab me in the back. My life has enough stress and I did all the drama crap in high school... now it's time to get lives and move on with things. Stop being caught up in each other and get on with your life. We can't progress if we are stuck in a high school maturity level. I just can't stand people that hurt me this way. I care too much as it is and when I get attacked like this, it makes it so much worse. Its hard for me not to care about my friends or people that I thought were my friends. When they do me wrong, at first I'm mad and wanting to beat them up. After a while of thinking on it, I want to talk to them. I want to know why they would do something like that to me. I want to know their reasoning behind why they are doing the things they are doing. What are they gaining from what they did? Anything? I didn't think so. I. Hate. Drama. and some boys.