Accident 11-13-2011

So i know i have a few people who haven't heard the story about THE Accident... well here it is.

Emily Cole and I had been at Tanner Valentine and Tim Barber's new apartment watching Harry Potter. We left about 1:20am to head home. Emily was driving her Jeep Cherokee. We were on the I-10 heading towards the 60 split. We had slowed down because we couldn't think of which road we needed to take to get home... totally normal for us.. (Lol) We chose the 60 east and began our ascension of the ramp. By the time we reached the highest part of the ramp, we were more confident this was where we needed to be and started to accelerate. Then Emily could feel herself losing control of the car. we jerked left, then she cranked the wheel right. we slammed into the concrete barrier and whipped back to hit the left one. then our car came to a stop. we screamed for about a minute straight after the realization hit us.

when we finally got our heads up to speed i realized i didn't have my glasses on. i kept asking Emily to give them to me and she just kept apologizing to me and freaking out. i could tell both of my ankles weren't okay because of the pain i had with them. It wasn't an excruciating pain, like it probably should have been but I'll count my blessings. :)

I wanted to make sure Emily and I were alright and kept asking for my glasses. Finally she gave them to me and I saw that my right foot was not bending appropriately... I knew it was broken. No one told me about there being a HUGE gash and a bone sticking out of it.

We called 911 and an officer showed up. He kept asking how many people we had in the car. We'd tell him two. There was just Emily and I. He asked us over and over how many passengers were in our vehicle. We gave him the same answer every time. (Apparently they had received a call that someone had jumped off the ramp we were on.) I started to panic because we hadn't seen anyone else on the ramp. How could someone have jumped off?

By this time we had called our parents and told them we would keep them posted on what hospital we would be at because they wouldn't let anyone on the scene. Tanner, Tim and Doug were all at the bottom of the ramp trying to get to us. Then  the firemen came and put a temporary splint on my right foot and were trying to figure out how to get me on the gerny. they wanted me to pivot off my left foot and hop over to the bed. i told them I'd try and away we went. as soon as i stepped on my left foot i felt movement and shooting pain. i screamed and wrapped my arms around the firemen and had them lift me onto the gerny. while they were strapping me in, it started to rain. Of course! so i laid perfectly still with my eyes closed while they hurried to get me into an ambulance. i was then rushed to Scottsdale Healthcare. They took Emily to Banner Desert on Dobson.. I was VERY unhappy that we were being split up! This was before I knew their reason.... Now I get it. ;)

Once there, my parents showed up and so did Tanner and Tim. Everything else was a whirlwind. I got an IV in my hand so they could give me Delaudid, my favorite pain medication, went and got every part of my body scanned and x-ray'd, then back to the Trama Room. They numbed my knee and stitched it up. (Had a 3-4" gash somehow) Then, the nurses wanted to try a local short term anesthetic so they could try popping my discloated foot bones back to where they belong. Failed. I woke up and was told I'd have to wait until 7:30am to have surgery.

Then the waiting started.. I was in MAJOR pain by this point because my foot is, literally, bending like an elbow which is causing lots of unnatural pulling on my leg muscles. I was still wet from the rain as well and shivering. All I wanted was for them to hold my foot up straight so the spasms would stop. That was not an option. My poor sweet parents just kept telling me they were trying.. I never saw what my foot looked like until a week or two post-accident. I couldn't muster up enough courage to see what ALL the fuss and drama was about. All I did was pray for strength and patience. I knew this road was going to be a long one and it has been.

I went into surgery as soon as they'd take me and was finished about 9:30 but slept until 10:00 or so. I woke up in the recovery room looking for any sort of familiar face and didn't find any. This time was different than when I had my gall bladder out. I woke up and could breath without pain and felt like I had taken a nap. I was then wheeled to my permanent room and was met by my parents and grandparents. I still wasn't sure what all had happened or what was going to happen. This occasion also introduced me to a catheter... not my favorite but I understand it was a necessity. I couldn't move enough to get anywhere near any sort of toilet.

I spent 4 days in the hospital. I made friends with a whole group of nurses that will never remember my name but I remember them and how much I loved them.

I was released on November 17 and that was when the REAL work began. I was given specific orders to not put any weight on either foot AT.ALL. I was to function with just scooting from my bed to my wheelchair or bedside potty..(miserable). I had fractured my fibula in my left foot and got a HUGE pin in it. I was off of that for a little over 2 weeks. Mom and I were staying at Grandma and Grandpa Allreds. As they had mostly tile, a shorter bed than mine, and were able to be home with me all day. I am forever in debted to those three people. My mother bathed me every other day in the kitchen and dealt with the tears and pain and whining... My grandparents were so sweet to sacrifice their living room for me. They would cook, clean, and talk with me when ever I wanted. I am so so grateful for my family.

After I got clearance to walk on my left foot, I moved back home and started using an awesome knee scooter. It was so good to be home with my dad, brother and dog again. Mom was happy about it too. :) Hide-a-beds are very hard on everyone but she slept on it every night with me.

January 26, 2012 = Walking day

I got clearance from my surgeon to start walking on my right foot again!!! As you can imagine, i was BEYOND thrilled. I could finally start getting back into a normal routine. Little did I know that it would be VERY painful and very difficult. I've been using a walking boot since then and now have graduated to a little air-splint. Being able to hobble is so nice! I can't walk far but I CAN WALK!

February 24, 2012 = FIRST DRIVING DAY
I had been trying to figure out how on earth I would drive to work again. It had been over 3 months since I had driven a car! I was itching for it!! So, I put a tennis shoe on so I could feel all the parts of my foot. I still don't have all the feeling back in the bottom of my right foot. All the tendon and ligament damage left me with a completely numb right foot. just the bottom, but its been "asleep" for 3 months. Anyway, I put the tennis shoe on and got in my car... It's a little rough at first but then, it just happens! I drove like a crazy person yesterday and loved every second of it. :) Recovery is coming along and I'm SO grateful for all the prayers on my behalf. Thanks to everyone else bugging Heavenly Father, He's given me what I've been waiting 3 months for! :)

Love you all!

p.s. if you want pictures, please ask! didn't want to cause any discomfort for those with weak stomachs!

trying to learn from people...

i had a discussion with my aunt not too long ago about how she 'endured' the single life... she wasn't married until she was about 30. i'm having a hard time clinging on to my sanity and i'm 11 days shy of turning 21. i can't imagine another 9 years of waiting... no dates. no men worth my time. nothing. losing hope is hard to stop. i want to be dating and getting dating experience. i've also been seeing lately the trust and heart i put into people... only to have it broken and mangled. people are hurtful. some are worth our love and kindness but it doesn't feel like more than 8 people fit that quota for my life right now. i'm venting on here because this isn't read by many and posting it on facebook to 500+ people is just not what i'm going for. i don't want to seem weak but i'm weak right now. i think i do a pretty good job with holding myself together and right now that hold is very very difficult. between my desires to date then get married then have a person in this world i can fully trust and confide in, with EVERYTHING are starting to overwhelm me. my brain and heart can't really take much more of this. i feel inadequate. i fell that i am always picking other people up without getting picked up in return when i need it. i fell like i'm dating 'Z' again. like no matter how bad my life sucks, i can't feel sorry for myself because someone is always worse off than i am. News flash... i am FULLY aware that my life could be alot worse... but there is also a reason that it isn't. i.couldn't.handle.it. so please, stop telling me to "look on the bright side because things could be worse". I KNOW! i want a moment to feel sorry for myself... you know... have my OWN pity party. not throw them for every other person who is having issues. i need a ME moment. without interruption. just need to relax and think. this is where i fall into sin. i can't let that happen. things are going to get better and i can't lose my focus now. the more i don't do the things i need to, the farther my life slips away from beginning. if i keep an open mind and open heart, i will find a man that will treat me like i deserve to be treated and not let me down. we will fall in love. we will get married. we will have our children. i don't want to ever lose sight of the reason i married my husband. i don't plan to.

wishing and dreaming...

tonight i watched a wedding video of a friend of mine. she is adorable and has one of the sweetest personalities ever. in here video, they had done cute little interviews with the bride and groom asking them about their first date and when did they know they were supposed to be together kinda thing. then they asked them the proposal story. i cried hearing about how much love they had and how it was all rushing to her as he got down on one knee and asked her to be his for eternity. that is so epic and amazing. as much as i think i probably won't cry when my prince charming proposes... i'm sure i will anyway. i can't wait to meet him. i can't wait to fall in love. i can't wait to plan our wedding and the rest of our lives together. i can't wait. he's out there. i just have to find him. and when i do, you best believe i'm not letting him go. i have this whole plan in my head about how he'll come sweep me off my feet because it DOES happen. there are also the ones who are best friends first and then they fall in love. Something Borrowed just came out and it has to be one of my absolute favorites because i can relate to it very well. my rep consists of being the relationship therapist who is never really in a relationship. i have, basically, zero relationship experience personally. i learn what i know through others and through watching people go through their relationships. i learn where lines are with different people. if i see something good happening, i help stir that fire and help them trust each other. if i see it not working, i let one or both of them know what i'm observing. sometimes a third party's perspective is better than your own. i am far from an expert at being a girlfriend, fiance, and wife. but i have learned alot from the people i'm around all the time. hopefully it'll pay off.

count your blessings...

today has been better than yesterday. things get in the way of my life and i have this major problem with allowing it! little things can bring me down and then return me back just as fast. today, i have felt lonely... which happens to everyone. don't worry i'm completely okay. just dealing with the single life... we've all been there. i'm 20, i shouldn't be wanting to rush into a relationship and marriage... but right now i'm at one of those times when i want to just be married and moving on. i want to be picking out a wedding dress and doing all the fun things that brides get to do. but here i sit, at my ever-faithful computer typing my whine fest.

tonight mom, dallas and i went to an ASL Talent Show. it was a fundraiser for Mountain View's Sign Language club and also another Deaf non-profit organization. We were watching the performances and they had interpreters and there were some students that chose to sign songs. this made me so grateful for my hearing ability. i can not imagine going through life without ever hearing anything. not a baby crying or the sweet voice of Josh Groban.

Deaf people don't consider themselves as disabled. they just have a different way of life, they are a different culture.

i appreciate the gift of hearing today.

Birthday and days later...

My birthday was on October 13. I turned 20... how crazy is that?? another year has been added to me... 18 flew by too fast and 19 even faster... I've learned that this whole time flying thing is only going to get worse as the years go on so I want to cherish the time I have to be 20. haha

So I'll tell you how my whole birthday went.... :)
11:59 - Tanner Valentine wished me happy birthday, saying he won. haha it made me happy.
then I went to bed shortly after that and woke up to lots and lots of happy birthday posts on facebook, loved again, then I went to work. Shari took all of us out to lunch. :) she's so sweet! Then after work I went over to Colette's and we all went to dinner! Me, Tanner, Emily, Maddie, and Colette went to Kona Grill for dinner. Mom joined up later and took our whole group to the movies. :) We saw Life as We Know It with Josh Duhmal(YuM!!) and Katherine Heigl. It had everything you want in a movie. It was hilarious, then crying-your-eyes-out sad, then awww-they're-in-love happy! All the emotions a movie would love to achieve! My birthday was amazing because I had a small group of friends with me all day that I absolutely love with me all day. I don't love huge parties with lots of people because then there is separation and clicks and it's hard to juggle all of them and be a good host. So having small things like that are the best for me. :)

Life since then has been a rollercoaster... but more ups than downs for sure. I'm not very excited to be back in school next January, I know its still a while but I don't want to go back. haha I just want to get life going. It'll be good for me though.

Other than that, I'm just livin' it up! I'm trying to get more involved with the ward and get to know more of them better. Just for Sadi... <3 hahah But it's still the same ol' thing. :) someday that man will come for me... :)

Alrighty, here's me. haha I love and appreciate all of you in my life. Very much. :)

Life as I know it...

Okay it's been a little over a month now.... So i'm not doing so hot on this whole post-fun-stories-about-your-life thing... It's a work in progress. I'm sure with my new age coming tomorrow i'll be wonderful. :)

Tomorrow I turn 20... so crazy to think. I'm not old enough to be 20 yet!! But it's coming, ready or not. I can't believe how far i've come since i just moved to AZ. I was 12 and wearing tshirts and sweats EVERYDAY. And had my hair in a ponytail/bun EVERYDAY..... Can i say i'm soo grateful that i grew up and wear cute things now? Yes. I am grateful that i grew up and wear cute things now. :)

Three more friends got engaged THIS week... yea... three friends in one week... and it's only tuesday. But it is Tuesday and that mean GLEE DAY!! I love Glee day. :) It's one of the biggest highlights of my week.

Another thing that will be new is a new ward. I'm going to try the whole ward hopping thing. I want to meet new people and get myself out there. No one in my ward is making any moves so i'm going to show them i'm not going to sit around here forever and wait for YOU to get the guts and ask me out. So there. :)

Dallas is on the trek... i really hope he's being positive and helpful. He doesn't get home til late on my birthday (tomorrow)... And he'll be tired and want to lay in bed and sleep. so i'm going to have to party without him. :]

Drama level has gone down... it's not totally gone but when will it ever be, right? So i'm working with what i have. Making new friends and keeping my relationships with old ones as strong as i can. We'll see where it takes me. :)

Much love to all of you that read my blog. <3

Feelings...

So... Travis hates me again. This works out more than perfectly because I wanted him out of my life anyway. He opened the door and did all the work for me. Except, now he is telling Dorrian that I've been trying to be friends with him again. This is making Dorrian upset and, I think, jealous and is causing him to pull away from talking to me. I don't want any of that. Unfortunately, I didn't crack what was going on until today. It's been a couple weeks now that Dorrian hasn't talked to me. So now that I have this new revelation, I want to hunt Travis down and tape his mouth closed with heavy duty duct tape. He lives in Iowa so this can't really happen but I want it to. The amount of time and effort he puts into things is astounding. He is sitting here telling Dorrian that he needs to drop me because I'm some lying bad person. After all that I have done for Travis. He's going to have the guts to do this? Uh. No. Not happening. I'm setting things straight with Dorrian. If he believes me then he does, and if not, then he never trusted me anyway and it never would've worked between us. This is why I decided to title this post as feelings. I'm venting. This is where things like this can be posted. I feel angry at Travis for doing this to me. I am upset and sad that Dorrian would think I would do the things that Travis says I'm doing. He is completely wrong in the matter. I don't understand what drives people to want to poison someone else's mind to get ahead and be friends with them. Why would you want a friendship set up on lies? The effort it takes to maintain that for the rest of your friendship with that person would be exhausting. Chelsey was the exact same way. She would feed people bad things about other people to become closer to them and seem more loyal to them. Then she'd get caught and the friend they thought she was would be destroyed and she'd be right back to where she was, alone. How do I find friends like this? Or does this happen to everyone? I just want to have genuine friends that are good to me and don't try to stab me in the back. My life has enough stress and I did all the drama crap in high school... now it's time to get lives and move on with things. Stop being caught up in each other and get on with your life. We can't progress if we are stuck in a high school maturity level. I just can't stand people that hurt me this way. I care too much as it is and when I get attacked like this, it makes it so much worse. Its hard for me not to care about my friends or people that I thought were my friends. When they do me wrong, at first I'm mad and wanting to beat them up. After a while of thinking on it, I want to talk to them. I want to know why they would do something like that to me. I want to know their reasoning behind why they are doing the things they are doing. What are they gaining from what they did? Anything? I didn't think so. I. Hate. Drama. and some boys.